In a recent conversation with Bernie, he helped me to solidify some concepts related to forgiveness. There are three levels of forgiveness:

• First, there is forgiving others for bad things they have done to you.
• Then, there is forgiving yourself for bad things that you have done to others.
• Finally, there is forgiving all others for all bad things that they have ever done to people.

Forgiving others

Why forgive others? It’s not for the benefit of the person who has wronged you. Whoever it is, is going about his (or her) daily business, and will continue to go about his daily business regardless of whether you forgive him or not. He may not even be aware that he hurt you. Not forgiving is not hurting him in any way, rather, it is putting a burden on you, because you are having to put energy into maintaining that grudge.

Renowned hypnotist Gerald Kein explains. Suppose you rob a bank, were brought before a judge and found guilty. That ruling requires punishment, and you go to jail. But even a criminal, having served out his sentence, is released, and becomes free.

By not forgiving someone it’s like you’re putting yourself into your own psychological prison. And the bars are as real as any cold iron you can press against with your hands. You will be bound by the way you’ve been wronged, progress arrested because you are continuing to run up against limitations. The only key out, is fully to forgive those who have wronged you.

Forgivness is not

• condoning their behavior
• becoming friends with, or even liking that person

it is recognizing that whomever it is you are forgiving is a product of their life experiences and social programming, just like you like me.

And when you forgive, it is as if a weight has been lifted, as if the door to the prison has been opened, and you can walk out, and be free.

Forgiving yourself

Look in the mirror at yourself – this is the person you need to forgive next. You’ve made mistakes. We all make mistakes. And this is very important: the mistakes you made were not vindictive – they were just errors. Errors that you can now recognize and through forgiving yourself, move forward. We feel guilt in order to punish ourselves. Guilt is planning, but facing the wrong direction. You’ve punished yourself long enough. Forgive yourself, and be free.

Forgiving everyone for having wronged anybody?

I was angry this weekend with a friend when I learned that he recently broke up with his girlfriend of a year and a half via phone email. When I pointed out that it’s more considerate to do in person, he agreed, but mentioned that he “didn’t want to delay it any longer.” I could feel my face get warm as my blood got hot. A deep breath and a moment of silence later, I realized that the corrosive effects of this anger were inside me. And the other purpose of anger like this is to feel superior – such anger was only possible because I saw myself as being superior to my friend, and the result of having invested the emotion of anger would only be that I would have to put more energy into the feeling that I am superior, which would blind me to ways in which I could learn from him.

He, like me, is a result of his programming. So I told him that I thought it lacked courage, and I disliked how a real conversation had been sacrificed for expediency, but said I could also see that it was an emotionally difficult thing for him, and that it was better to do it over email than to delay it any longer. I can understand, I told him.

It felt good for me to let go of that anger.

So that is what it’s like to forgive a third party for wronging a third party. But, what’s it like to forgive everyone for having wronged anybody? Bernie says that he was put on this path through reflecting on the limitless forgiveness of Jesus. Regardless of what Jesus represents for you, perhaps you like me, think it’s a powerful way to think about forgiveness.

Experiment

Experiment with this. These tasks are adapted from Shakti Gawain’s book Creative Visualization. I found them helpful. In fact, I reviewed my notes three months after doing it, and the things I had written seemed distant and already reconciled. The things I wrote down happened in my childhood, so I attribute this mental clearing to having done the experiment, not to the natural way that the passage time makes the past more distant. Here’s what to do:

1. Forgive others. Write on paper ways that you have been wronged in the past, that you still feel hurt from. When nothing else comes to mind, write in big letters across the page or pages “forgiven and released.”
2. Forgive yourself. Write down on paper ways in which you have hurt others. When nothing else comes to mind, write at the bottom, “any other actions that I may not be aware of.” and then in big letters across all you’ve written, “forgiven and released.”
3. Forgive everyone for anything. Reflect on what this would it would be like. You would know that everyone is at a different stage along the path. They like you and I, are a result of their programming. Journal about your reflections.

Come back in a few weeks and see how distant your old concerns feel.

If you need more help with forgiveness, consider consulting with a hypnotist. Hypnotists have special trance and guided imagery tools to assist you.

Posted in Religion and Spirituality
No Comments Yet Posted by Jason Yang