Sep
23
What Kids Really Want
My friend Stanley is visiting. We were roommates for a time, and he’s one of the most positive people I know.
I overheard this brilliant conversation this morning. His wife was getting ready to come into Tokyo from the suburbs with their 2-yr old son, and his wife was having difficulty negotiating. Here is my point of view, from Stan’s side of the conversation:
Stanley said: “Tell him that he can bring only one blanket. He can bring the big blanket in the car, but that on the train, he can only bring the small blanket.”
“Okay, let me talk to him.”
“Yo! hey big boy, you can bring the big blanket with you in the car, but when you get on the train you can only bring the small blanket.”
“Yo, Sean, listen to me. Papa’s waiting in town for you. Papa’s waiting in town for you! Understand? Now, you can bring the big blanket with you in the car, but just bring the small on when you come into town, understand?”
“Okay. Thank you. Be nice to your mom.”
Deftly, my friend redirected his son’s attention to what was important. I think what kids really want, but aren’t able to articulate, is to feel like their wishes have been considered, and that their parents are looking out for them.
I told Stan I was impressed, and he related another incident to me:
They were going to see the dentist, and Sean didn’t want to go.
Stan said. “Yo, we’re going to see the dentist. The dentist is papa’s friend. I know you didn’t have a good time last time, so papa’s going to tell the dentist to lay off, to go easy on you. Papa’s going to go with you to the dentist, okay?”
A key to dealing with kids is to realize what they really want, and react to it, rather than what kids say. Kids don’t have the verbal skill to articulate what they really feel.
